Thanks to someone on Discord, I recently (re)discovered It so happens that since a couple of weeks, I've been thinking about what pronouns I would like to use.

For a long time I said that I don't care which ones are used for me, as long as it's clear who they mean. However, that was based on the knowledge of there being three options: he/him, she/her, they/them and there not really being a gender neutral option in Dutch (my native tongue).

More recently, people in the Netherlands have started using 'hun'/'hen' in Dutch, similar to they/them in English, with one huge difference... 'hun' being a possessive pronoun (the literal translation of 'their,' plural) and that's always bothered me. I should add, that many people already used 'hun' when referring to group of people, instead of the linguistically correct 'zij' (which translates to 'they,' plural, but also means 'she'). Having said that, there is another option that's used, one I much prefer as gender neutral pronoun, but it seems very few use it.

Of late, I've been getting to know more and more neopronouns and it's been troubling me. It's been troubling me because, as long as I say I don't care, any of those can be used and I feel I shouldn't complain. After all, I say I don't care and I'm definitely not being specific on what ones I am okay with.

But then what...?

I want to pick a single one, to take away any ambiguity, but even more because it should save me spoons explaining what not having a preference means. And preferably it's one that works across languages, as I speak four (including a dialect) and I'm learning more still.

I looked through the lists of pronouns on, but there's so many options, but none of them really spoke to me. Taking a look on, I found that hardly any of the English ones seem to be adopted in other languages. And most of them, I felt (and feel), don't cross languages well to start with.

There is one though, that I felt works well enough and I played with it in my mind for a couple of days. I caught myself looking for arguments against changing pronouns, justifying my status quo. I could just ask people to start using another, but how will they respond? Won't I be a bother if I ask for a specific one to be used? Will I have to explain even more? Will people ridicule me for asking this?

I shared my concerns on that same Discord server and had a few people suggest that I just give it a try on there. So I did, and even though that space is only English, I found I started appreciating it more and more. I have since updated my preferred pronouns in several more online spaces and now I find myself typing this post.

Am I ready to share about it everywhere? I guess not. Publishing this post is just another step. To be honest, I don't know if I'll ever state my preference everywhere. Also because, even though I have a preference, I don't necessarily reject all other pronouns. Wait, am I justifying the status quo once again?

Well, as they say, there's no time like the present. Time for the next step.

Hi, I'm Evy (fae/faer). If you want to know more about my preferences on pronouns and gender neutral language, have a look on my profile. Thank you