Starting this blog

I've been thinking of starting a blog for quite some time already. I can't be exactly sure how long, but I'm positive that it's been three years at least. Three years walking around with an idea, and doing nothing about it.

From a distance, it seems so easy. At least that's what I tell myself. Just create an account on one of those major blog platforms and start writing. However, that's now how that works for me. The big picture is there, but in order to start, I need to make a choice. Several, actually.

• What platform am I going to use?
• What am I willing to spend on it?
• Do I even want to spend money on it?
• Am I going to get a pretty domain to go with it? If so, what?
• What am I going to write about?

I imagine that for a lot of people, those question are pretty easy to answer, though I might be completely wrong. Thing is, for me it's awful, because I get lost in all the details. Not to mention that I want perfect, even though I rationally know that that's impossible. So I spend odd moments thinking about it and then forget about it again (but not really).

Take that first question for example, these are just a few of the things that need to be answered, in order to even attempt to answer it:

• What platforms are available? (that's a pretty long list)
• What features am I looking for? (which is a rabbit hole all by itself)
• Am I okay with analytics? (Google and Adobe, I'm looking at you)
• Do I want third party hosting? (I'm pretty tech savvy, and that's an understatement)

That list goes on and on. And that doesn't even mention how I get lost in the technical details. Oh, and keep in mind that I'm not at all familiar with publishing of any kind, which I want to do perfect as well.

So what changed?

As with most things (if not all), the first step is usually the hardest. To be honest, after three or more years, I knew pretty much what I wanted. Question 1 answered. In fact, I had already answered question 4 as well. What stopped me from actually getting started, was question number 2: how much, if anything, am I willing to spend on it? What finally got me started, is that someone close to me and whom I trust, told me to sign up and get started.

Someone told me to get started!

At the time I'm writing this, I'm not even sure if, in the bits I worked on before, I mentioned I'm diagnosed with autism. Regardless, when I'm stuck with inaction, sometimes all I need is a nudge. Or something slightly more firm than that.

So, that was that. I created an account and started the 14 day trial. I spent a couple of hours clicking around, entering some information, choosing a theme (only to then find out that the themes I really liked are on a more expensive tier, which I'm at this point not willing to pay for). And then I left it. I didn't forget about it, but I just didn't do anything anymore. And I watched that day that my trial expired creep closer. I know I had to do something. That something didn't need to be writing a post, in fact, it shouldn't. I needed to decide whether or not I was going to sign up for a paid plan, the alternative being that the work I put in, would be erased. So I entered my billing information and left it again.

That's several months ago already, and yet again I'm stuck in inaction. Because of what's next. Of course I could keep on fiddling with the settings, but what's the value of that if I'm not writing?

The next challenge

Exactly: writing.

Ever since I signed up, I've been receiving newsletters from this platform to help me keep going (or to get started, I don't know). I read several articles on what you're supposed to do in order to engage an audience.

Choose one or two topics two write about (or maybe three, maximum?)

Okay, maybe I can do that. I have another website after all (just a homepage now, shh), and an idea for yet another website/blog as well. However: what topics am I going to write about? Lucky for me, I actually answered that question last November.

Publish posts on a regular schedule, at least once a week

Talk about pressure! Okay, I quit.

I didn't really quit of course. Of course? Anyway, I didn't. I kept paying and, as I stated already, I was stuck in inaction.

Thing is, I can write. I've written many things before. Some stories, several poems, even a song^[1]. However, I don't want to push myself to do so. If experience has taught me anything,^[2] it's that pushing myself to do things always backfires. Even writing that song, I completely shut down at times because of the pressure I felt. So, no, I'll write when I feel like it. Which turns out to be today. I'll explain why later on.

I'll let you in on a little secret: when I write, I often don't even know what I'll be writing. I just have a vague idea and if I'm lucky enough I actually get started writing.

The why of this post

I laugh at it myself, to be honest. The world works in strange ways. What triggered me to write this post, is that I found two poems, both of which I wrote last year. Two poems that I hadn't shared anywhere and felt like sharing here, for the the simple fact that I feel they fit the goal I envision with this blog.

I could have posted them just like that, but that felt, feels, wrong. For one, I have no idea who will be reading this in the future, and there's a good chance that you'll have no idea who I am, so I felt I should give some context at least. Secondly, they actually inspired me to write more. And it's become a far more lengthy post than I expected.

Some feeling begs me to elaborate more on how I came to find those poems again, which I had actually forgotten about, but I'll leave that for another post. I may write it today, tomorrow, ever or never at all. I don't know yet. I promise that those poems will be published soon, maybe members only at first. We'll find out when we do. See ya!